Saturday, April 3, 2010

Post Equinox

This may come off as intolerant. It is.

I really can't stand complaints about problems people are capable of solving, yet unwilling to solve or admit fault with.

 I detest the description of circumstances as 'lucky' when the person within them has struck a match of opportunity against the friction of preparation and sacrifice.

I laud expression, ALL expression, in its right time and place. But there's a difference between expressing fears and strife vs. aimless whining. The former tends to go down better with a chaser of effort, ambition, and fortitude.

I tire of seeing the brilliance, strength and ability in people who are unwilling to embrace and work with it. By tire I mean it exhausts my soul; it'd probably break my heart if I let it.

This is part intolerant ranting, part self coaching. They say that people point out the faults in others that they most recognize in themselves, even subconciously. We're hyperaware of what we are striving to control - internally and externally.

To people who are young, childless, healthy and living in the United States*: If you dislike your circumstances, change them. No, seriously, stop making excuses. Change your circumstances. Oh, they're complex? Well so is the mind, and it's capable of finding a way, and you live in a time and place with virtually limitless means.Change exacts a price, and no one said it was going to be simple or comfortable. In fact, I don't recall comfort and ease as prerequisite conditions for life itself. But don't call an unwillingness to pay the price impossibility.

My peers* have at times lamented the difficulty of their lives to me, expressing their powerlessness, their unmet needs and desires, longings. I can be gentle when it's called for, but when hopeless rhetoric continues to spill forth with no light at the end of the tunnel, I lose all desire to be accomodating. My interpretation of the golden rule as it applies here: If and when I have abilities I've sold out for a defeatist attitude and dismay, I would hope to be encouraged to lift myself to the strong and competent being I am. I don't want to be babied, coddled, saved, validated in weakness or even distracted. I want to work hard to solve my problems, I want to be believed in. Maybe everyone isn't on the same page with that, but that's what I'll give and would like to receive. Sure, the quarterlife phase is hard - but it's a lot harder when you hold on to counterproductive attitudes.

The time has come to cash in on some of my abilities and pursue some goals, hard, relentlessly. Some pending changes...

I don't want to write more; I need to write. Not blog, not email, not jot, not doodle, not casual journaling. Good, hard writing in private sessions consecrated and dedicated for that specific need for expression.

I don't want to work out more; I need to be physically raw, to run breathlessly, heave like an animal and feel innate power surge through my veins. Run, climb, ride hard.

I don't just want to hang out to pass the time; I need reciprocated connections that nourish, are poignant and real.

I'm off the fence, done holding my breath, wasting my time, and swimming in fluff.

Spring is so invigorating....

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